Life or Something Like it...

I love you

2009-07-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

I love you even when we say hurtful things to one another.
I love you even when you're angry with me or I with you.
I love you no matter how condescending you get.
I love you even when I feel excluded from your life.

I love you when you're sweet and say I'm beautiful.
I love you when you snuggle against me and nuzzle your nose into my hair.
I love you when I'm doing dishes and you sneak up and kiss my neck.
I love you when you kill a horde for me, or send me epic BOE gear.

I love you when we're fighting, though it doesn't feel so good.
I love you when we're happy like a couple should.
I love you though the darkness, we have some work to do.
I love you any time, day or night, just thought it's time you knew.

Jealous Hypocrite

2008-06-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

Go away!
Why can they not just go away rather than lingering?
What is the need to hold on to them is what I am wondering?
What kind of friendship are you hoping for?
Those who were friends on a long term basis, prior to a fling I can understand...
but the others, the newer ones..what is the point?
No respect for vows made, not their own or any one elses...
stay away from my family, I believe in what I said, what I pledged,
I value the promises I made, stay away...go away...#*^% OFF!!!!
Its not a one way thing, and blame cannot be placed on the one party alone.
Why will he not let her go? Why does he feel the need to carry on?
Why can I not purge my life of this infestation?

I Love

2008-06-06T00:52:00.000-07:00

It has been hard
accepting love as is.
Waiting for something,
looking for something devious,
something to prove it all wrong.
I only find his kind eyes and warm heart,
comforting me, knowing that he loves me,
only me.
I look deeper, delve deeper searching for another,
only to find me, only me.
What have I been looking for?
Mistrust in myself, and all around me,
but he holds steadfast.
His strength, conviction, and faith
he carries us both over the rocks and obstacles.
I love him, only him...forever and always.
My lover, my best-friend, my partner, MY HUSBAND

Good For What Ails You

2008-04-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

I've been on the verge of dying for the last few weeks. Honestly, if its not one thing its another. Pregnancy disallows me from drugging my body into oblivion, so I suffer on in relative silence, a whimper, moan, grunt here and there. On the days that I feel worst I don't want to be around people..I mean first of all I'm getting so round and sore, add in a sexy Rudolf nose, some hacking up of lungs, the sexy raspy stuffy head sore throat combo and I'm a regular beauty queen! And on those days I look at my love who is gazing at me with such genuine concern and indefatigable love and it seems he doesn't see all of the bad on the outside, rather he thinks I am beautiful at any time even when I don't. And suddenly I don't feel as sick, tired, or achy(could be the back rubs I receive..oh my but I love the way he pampers me). He just holds me and loves me through sickness and health. Oh that wicked witch from Snow White had her trusty mirror to tell her how fantabulous she is, useless slab of glass never gave her kisses when she was ill I'll bet! So in conclusion...finding, or being found by, the love of your life is the best medicine, its good for anything that ails you.

Kissing is a means in which
two people get so close that
they can no longer see
any flaws in one another ~Anonymous

Ahhhhhh

2007-12-31T11:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish reality from delusions.

I have a hard time with that. I spent so long believing that everything was all in my head and that there might be something wrong with me...only to find that it wasn't me at all. Everything i thought was real..was infact...real. Kind of like living in a world and thinking that you're dreaming.

So now I question everything, every thought, every dream, every feeling...and I feel as if I am not living at all. Why can I not trust? Why can I not believe without proof? Why can I not love without question?

I've never felt loved until just recently. But I still question that...love based on lies in noting but a delusion. I can't live like that anymore. I want reality for once. I want it all, no compromise, no loss, no lies, just love..one that is mine..and I my lover's...

Delusional Reality

2007-12-31T10:57:00.000-08:00

Have faith, just hold on a little longer
now why, I ask, do we tell ourselves such ridiculous things?
Hopeless romantics, do you think?
Sure, if the answer isn't clear, close your eyes and pray!

Selective sight, hearing, knowledge.
See, hear, know - only what you wish to believe.
Blind to all faults, deaf to all lies,
and ignorant by all degrees.

Such a strange way to live, why then do we do it?
Delusional fantasies are so much brighter than life
Open your eyes people!
When the bubble bursts the flood will drown your soul.

Debut

2007-12-31T10:45:00.000-08:00

A teardrop falls in the pouring rain,
memories rush back of lies and pain.
Then a warm arm wraps around you,
safety from afar.
He makes you so happy
that you forget just where you are.
And yet another teardrop
as he pulls away from you.
Your one and only safety
has only hurt you too.
Still another comes into your life,
and protects you from the last.
His words are full of promises
but don't forget the past.

JS

The Rantings of Paranoia

2007-10-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

A penance of impossible perfection.
Asking way too much of life.
Always wondering where to turn, where to hide,
to get away from it all.

So hard.
Fantastically deliberated lies corrode reality.
Delusions,
designed by confused paranoia

The ultimate fantasy.
To be all that you can be.
A successful fatal attraction.
Live and let die

The Life and Times

2007-10-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

I could try to say something witty and smart to attract attention to myself but really that is not my style. I joke at times. I am serious at times. Where to draw the line? Laughing at funerals is not funny, right? Perception is the judge of that one. When my father died, I laughed, not out of actual joy... rather out of lack of emotion. Too sad to have little to no feeling when one of the people who made you passes. Sometimes I think I would laugh if my mom passed, not because I do not love her but out of theory...those who I love the most will do whatever they can to escape me...

My life is like the fair..I would call it the circus but they have separated them in Canada, no big top at the fair. There are freaky clowns in my life, there is a trapeze act cause I'm in it, and then there is the magic act where they take everything I know and distort it.

The rides rock. I'm on the zipper, a ride in a metal cage 100' off the ground held safely with a massive metal bobby pin! Yeah that'll do it! Holy snarfingarseholes batman, that is one freaken ride I'm not sure of! My daddy taught me to take it easy. I miss him. He was a doofus, but I really believe he loved me. One day.

My man will love me despite my obvious flaws. If not..his loss..I'm pretty freaken cool! LMAO!!!!